look no pants
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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