i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
