I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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