All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
