i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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