cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
