whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
