Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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