So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
