Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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