PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
