Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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