There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
