we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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