Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
