Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
