Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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