She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
