He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
