I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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