Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
