I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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