I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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