I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
