I have demons in me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
