I wish my penis had an off switch
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
