the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
