I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
