if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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