her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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