While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
