Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
