Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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