I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
