Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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