i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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