The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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