yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
