I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well I can't set my house on fire every night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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