I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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