If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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