we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
