I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
