Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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