I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
