AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
