Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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