And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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