Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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