the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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