At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
